Conversations with a Fetus

This post could also be titled "Exactly Like the First Time, Except Completely Different, Part II".

These are conversations I find myself having with my unborn son. Sometimes these things are said aloud (sad, I know), but most of the time these are thoughts that I hope he can hear since we are currently physically connected.

• Excuse me child, but that is my bladder you are constantly resting on! Believe it or not, I actually have other things to do than urinate. Just kidding baby! It's not your fault. Your brother stretched mommy's tummy muscles out and now I can't support you as well in all your fetal glory.
• Awesome! Another Braxton Hicks contraction! I mean, of course I should get these every time I go from resting to standing. After all, you are sitting directly on my pelvis. I am pretty sure you are in the birthing position at this point. You do know we still have 12 weeks to go, right?
• Pardon me, but those are my ribs. As fun as it may be to stretch out as far as you can and run your fingers/toes across them, mommy looks a little crazy when she jumps out of her seat for seemingly no reason. While we are on the topic of ribs, when you stretch out and slowly push on them it feels like a balloon inflating in there. Cut it out!
• Have you noticed how mommy is so smart she has learned to sit on the toilet BEFORE sneezing? Yup, brilliant!
• Sorry Jackson is giving you kisses and petting you again. I am not sure if "baby kiss" and "baby pet" are happening because he truly loves you and wants to say hello or if it is just another way to physically assault mommy. Either way, he can't feel it when you try to kick him back. Only I can.
• Sorry about the one piece of spicy tuna sushi I ate the other day. Oh, and the half can of Pepsi is also not recommended. I am pretty sure you are a tough boy. You can handle it big guy!
• Oh, looks like the nausea is back. Cool. I will do my best to try and eat healthy little buddy, but at this point you are going to have to take what I can stomach. I apologize for any inconvenience the gagging after meals causes you. I will try not to actively vomit so you at least get some nutrients out of the deal.
• Sorry if it is a little warm in here, but we are going to sit in this bath a little longer. I am not ready to put forth the effort it is going to take to reach a standing position from here.
• That is really neat that you can do a full somersault in mommy's belly! Now, please take note that we are supposed to sleep at night. If you could limit your gymnastics to daytime hours, that would be great.
• Speaking of sleep, since mommy has to sleep on her side, please work on finding a way to make this a comfortable way to rest for you as well. I could be wrong, but it feels like you are standing up on the bed next to me doing the "Watch Me" dance the minute I lay down to sleep. Lets take it down a notch, mmkay? Kind of a light sleeper here.
• So, we are starting our third trimester in just a few days. Apparently, mommy is going to grow more uncomfortable and tired. Plus, school starts in a few weeks so we are going to be busy! Please keep in mind, I need you to stay in there and bake for at least 9 more weeks if you are going to come out done. No matter how much I complain, don't try and get out of there! Stay put until all of your organs are ready to function on their own. Trust me, it is better in there than in the hospital. I can't wait to meet you, but full term is our goal here buddy!

XOXO,

Mommy

The Toddler Owner's Manual

Ah, the toddler years.

What am I saying? This is just the beginning!

After a quick Google search today prompted by a shocking diaper, I ordered this:

Arriving at Morrison Manor July 1st!

I can't wait to start reading about trouble-shooting and system maintenance. I typically order my books on Kindle, but I feel strongly that a hard copy of this manual is necessary. I am encouraged by the reviews and I am sure my own is coming soon. From what I can tell, this book is written with humor and formatted as a reference manual. It sounds exactly like what I need right now.

It is a little shocking that people don't voluntarily offer information about raising a son through his toddler years. While it is comforting when my mommy friends give the familiar nod and reassure me that Jackson is a completely normal boy, I feel a little betrayed when I realize they didn't warn me! Frankly, I feel it is the responsibility of boy mommies to share this information unprompted and give sufficient time for the up-and-coming boy mommies to be prepared. 

I know, I know. There are blogs and websites all over the Internet with this information. However, I spend a significant amount of time chasing my kid (and puppy) so I don't have a ton of down time available for browsing the web.

So, here is my contribution to the boy mommies that read my blog (if there are any). I am sure little girls do many of these things, but I do not have first-hand experience in the female toddler. 

Things I wish I was told in advance:

• The penis is a toy. Once it is discovered, good luck keeping a diaper on your boy. Also, toddlers can give themselves an erection. Try to be patient and not freak out.
• Being naked and chased by mommy is a fun game.
• You will be physically assaulted and violated all day, every day. The good news is, for every slap, hit, and punch, there is a hug or kiss waiting to be enjoyed.
• Toddler boys eat all day. Prepare to always have a new and exciting snack/meal available. You will spend a significant chunk of your day preparing food, monitoring intake, and cleaning up.
• That being said, prepare for food to be a favorite one day and shunned the next. You will waste a lot of food if you are not willing to eat it yourself.
• Blueberries cause poop to look like black dirt. Your son is not dying from GI bleeding. Relax.
• One day your boy is a well-behaved, cuddly little angel. The next he will be on a personal mission to make your life difficult. Toddlers are little people who have good days and bad days. Be prepared to be kept on your toes at all times.

A few things I am figuring out:

• Potty training requires infinite patience and a lot of time spent sitting on the bathroom floor. Apparently, getting dressed/undressed and getting on/off the potty is part of training. 
• Buy pull ups before you start potty training; they are worth it. 
• Don't bother dressing your son if you are not leaving the house (unless it is really cold). This cuts down on laundry and multiple outfit changes throughout the day.
• Toddlers are capable of doing "chores". They want to help if you give them recognition for their accomplishments. Ideas: pick up toys, fetch various items (helps with their vocabulary), wipe up spills, put waste in the trash can, put cups/plates/silverware in the sink when done, let the dogs out/in. The possibilities are endless!
• Water is the greatest thing ever. Good luck conserving water in a drought situation. Don't even try when it is hot outside; you will lose.
• Speaking of water, invest in a water table. Hours of entertainment. 
• Other fun water ideas that can benefit you: let them stand in the tub and play with a cup and cold running water while you tidy up the bathroom, use the garden hose (sorry dogs!) for various watering tasks, and let them help with the dishes using lukewarm water (make this work for you!).
• While routine is good, doing the same thing every day is boring. Always attempt to plan around the afternoon nap (but be flexible!) but try and make every day new and exciting. This will help your toddler be more adventurous and flexible (so far).

A lot of people are posting articles and blogs about toddlers on my Facebook feed right now, which is actually quite helpful for me. One thing I read that has really stuck with me is about not apologizing for your toddler's behavior when they are acting like a toddler. They are not built to share, keep their hands to themselves, stay still, be quiet, consider other's feelings, or understand consequences. However, they are little sponges and are learning so much if you are willing to teach them.

Jackson is amazing. It is so fun watching him figure out the world around him. He wants to be a good boy, but he can't always pull it off. Sometimes that happens at home, sometimes it is in public. All I can do is go with the flow and love him despite the challenges we face together. As a middle school teacher, I have learned patience over the past five years. However, Jackson has taught me what patience looks like in the face of the person who has your heart.

A friend told me the other day that 18 months - 3 years was her favorite time with her boys, but it was also the hardest. So far, I concur.

Mac & Cheese! (current favorite)

Halfway There! (Hopefully)

We had our 20 week ultrasound this morning. Everything is just dandy!

Colin asked me last week if I was worried after I expressed my frustration that I could not get in for an ultrasound before our Seattle trip. Worried? Of course not! What could I possibly be worried about?

• Cleft palate
• Club foot
• Intestines outside of the body
• Baby measuring too small/not growing properly
• Spina bifida
• No heartbeat
• Deformations of the heart
• Brain tumor
• Missing limbs
• No amniotic fluid
• Unhealthy placenta

Shall I go on?

Hell yes I was worried! Mainly because I was not feeling this baby as much as I was feeling Jackson around this time. Come to find out, the placenta is positioned at the front of my uterus, preventing me from feeling the baby kick my stomach. This explains why I am really only feeling him down low and only on occasion. 

That being said, I have to believe every pregnant woman is worried at least some of the time. It is a miracle that we can grow a human inside of us. The idea that everything is going right seems a little extraordinary.

So here we are. Halfway there! According to the size of the baby, I am 20 weeks and 1 day along in my pregnancy. Best case scenario, I remain healthy and the baby comes at 37 weeks or later once my body starts to naturally labor. I have every reason to believe that I can have a normal, healthy pregnancy and not end with HELLP syndrome again. At this point I have to put the worst case scenario out of my mind. Am I worried? Of course! Am I optimistic? Hell yes!

Pregnancy is a rollercoaster. I have to be thankful that the constant gagging, nausea, headaches, and fatigue are gone for the most part. I feel a lot better. In fact, some days I feel downright fantastic! Other days, not so much. For one thing, I am not getting any smaller. Also, I find myself trudging more than walking sometimes, which I am sure is irritating for the person who is trying to reach a destination with me in a normal amount of time. Fortunately, I am on summer break and now I can take some time in the afternoons to kick back and put my feet up while Jackson naps. 

Perhaps I should also take a moment to reflect on the fact that I have a loving, understanding, and accommodating husband who puts up with the craziness of a pregnant wife. Also, I have to admit that Jackson is pretty much a little angel. Don't get me wrong, he is a typical toddler and exhibits the unpredictable and often times noisy behaviors you would expect from an almost two year old boy, bless his heart. However, he is so lovable, funny, and entertaining that expending the extra energy it takes to care for a toddler while pregnant is actually an absolute joy and I am so happy right now to be enjoying summer with him. 

So for now, all is well. Time for the second act. Happy thoughts and positive energy from this point forward. 

Baby #2 - aka: Gummy Bear (actual name TBD)

Thankfully

Halfway there bump!

Jackson's First Haircut

Should a kid who is not yet two ride a strider?

Helping mommy with cousin Grayson (big brother in training!)

Admiring cousin Grayson

Being a two-year-old with Auntie Beth's eyeliner

This little angel sat in his seat for 2.5 hours straight at his first baseball game!

Outnumbered

Well, if you haven't heard (or did not figure out Colin's somewhat confusing and cryptic post)....

It's a boy!

I know, I am shocked too. Considering how sick I have been this time around, I was certain a little girl had taken over my body. I actually said, "Are you sure?" when the nurse congratulated me on my second boy. Considering it has been determined by a chromosomal genetic test, it is 100% positive that gummy bear is a boy.

Therefore, it is official: I am outnumbered.

Even our dogs are boys! To be fair, I wanted to get a female Boston when we got Murphy Redd, but she was already taken. I tried.

Despite the fact I was prepared for a new adventure with a little girl, I am actually very excited that I am baking a little brother for Jackson. It will be fun having two boys; brothers who can play and hopefully form a brotherly bond for life.

Several people have said that I seem like a boy's mommy. I am not completely sure what that means, but I take it as a compliment. Maybe it is because I like to play outside and don't mind a little dirt. Perhaps it is due to the fact that I am not a fan of girl drama (even through I deal with it often as a middle school teacher). I think Colin said it best when he pointed out that I am not a "girly girl".

So, here I am. Completely outnumbered. The newest member of the "Mommy to Boys Club". I look forward to frequent trips to the ER, lots of trucks, cars, and legos, and spending an extraordinary about of time playing outside.

Actually, it sounds pretty fun!

The Year of the Princess

Now that the pregnancy is public, the big questions are:

• Are you going to find out the gender?
• When are you going to find out?
• Are you going to share?
• What do you want it to be?
• What is Colin going to do if it is a girl?

I am only half-serious about the last one. Yes, Colin wants another boy, but he really just wants a healthy pregnancy and baby. In my opinion, he has no idea if he wants a girl or not. Honestly, I think the concept of having a girl is a little foreign at this point. There is no reason to even think about it seriously until it is a reality.

Some people have said, "Colin deserves a girl." Not sure what that means, but it seems a little mean...

I know it is a canned answer, but all I really want is a healthy baby as well. We have been so fortunate that Jackson is so healthy, all I hope for is a repeat (minus the premature status if possible!). I already have the perfect little boy that I always wanted. I can honestly say I am super-excited either way. Another boy would be fun because Jackson would have a little brother to roughhouse with (rather than continue to physically assault me and the poor dogs). On the other hand, there is a lot of testosterone in my house, so a little girl would be a welcome change of pace.

Plus, aren't girls really good sleepers, mellow, and mild-tempered as babies? Right? Anyone?

Oh yea, about the gender. I had the MaterniT21 test done on Wednesday. This is a genetic test they recommend to old people who are pregnant (aka: anyone 35 and older - we are A.M.A. - advanced material age). Apparently, my baby's DNA is floating around in my blood, so if they suck enough out of me they can analyze my baby's chromosomes. In addition to determining if we have any genetic defects to worry about (Trisomy 18 & 21, Klinefelter, etc.), they can also see if I am building and baking an XX or XY human.

If you ask me, it is XX all the way. I don't say this because I necessarily want a girl (I only kind of do). I say this because this pregnancy feels so different. That is my scientific reasoning.

The validity of my scientific reasoning will be determined late next week.

Of course, the big news today is that a princess was born. How does this apply to our situation? I will explain:

• Colin and I got married in 2011, a few months after William and Kate. 
• Jackson came in 2013, a few weeks after Prince George was born. 
• Now, we are due in 2015, a few months after Princess __(?)__ came along.

I told Colin things weren't looking so good for him.....

I am sure I will look as fantastic as Kate does a few hours after childbirth. My hair and makeup team will be on standby.

(Yeah. And monkeys might fly out of my butt.)

 

Exactly Like The First Time, Except Completely Different

Here we go again!

I am in the process of making Jackson a sibling, from scratch. I spent some time reading my posts from when he was born. This is the reason I started this blog; to document the joy and pain of having a child.

I am confident we have made the right decision.

Pregnancy is a funny thing. I had a lovely pregnancy with Jackson. Other than some fatigue in the first trimester, a small bout of nausea around dinner time for a few weeks, a broken leg, excessively swollen feet, and some random pain here and there, I really enjoyed being pregnant.

They say (whoever "they" are) that each pregnancy is different. I concur.

I actually knew I was pregnant early in the morning on Friday, February 27th. Actually, I take that back. I initially thought I had the flu OR I was dying. I woke up with the chills. I literally felt them run up and down my spine. I dragged myself out of bed to get a sweatshirt and I felt like I might faint. For a second I considered sleeping on Jackson's floor knowing his space heater had that room nice and cozy. I kept waiting for the fever to come.....

I woke up feeling nauseous, icky, and overall very fluish. The fever never came so I schlepped Jackson to day care and got myself to school. I sat in a fog wondering what I had done to deserve this. I have a toddler, isn't that hard enough? Now I am going to die and leave my family behind?

Then it hit me.

I am pregnant. I have to go get a pregnancy test, now.

As a family, we had tentatively decided that maybe we could do it all again to give Jackson a sibling. Well, to be fair, Jackson really didn't have a choice in the matter. Our tentative plan was apparently a go. I got the very faint positive and I knew this was it.

Then it hit me.

This does not feel good. How am I going to pull this off?

I find that looking at the humor in an otherwise difficult situation is the easiest way to get through. So here is the raw and honest truth about a second pregnancy (so far).

Your Second Pregnancy: Exactly Like The First Time, Except Completely Different

Thinking about having another little angel? Here is the honest truth.

• Your friends who had lovely, easy, glowing pregnancies multiple times are the exceptions to the rule. Next time they tell you they would consider being a surrogate because it was so easy, throw up on their shoe. It will make you feel better. Promise.
• Taking care of a toddler while you are pregnant is a large part of your new challenge. Gone are the days when you come home from work in your first trimester and take a nap. A word of advice: go to bed immediately after them. It is your only hope.
• If you have nausea, gagging, and vomiting, be prepared to be mocked by your toddler. Don't take it personally when they mimic your constant gagging sounds.
• *Be prepared to show immediately. It won't really be showing; you are most likely bloated. However, you will look pregnant. Good luck hiding it.
• **Your spouse has "been there, done that". He has seen you through your first pregnancy and you made it through. Do not expect to be treated like the fragile, glowing, pregnancy princess that you were the first time around. He will be much more relaxed and less worried. In fact, you may need to remind him that you are pregnant sometimes. 
• Suck it up; complaining isn't lady-like. I find that the disclaimer "Please assume I feel like a hangover married a flu and I am carrying their child until otherwise notified" gets the point across. No one wants the play-by-play of your physical discomfort.
• Breathe through your mouth when changing dirty diapers. There is no other way to survive this.
• Did you have clear skin in your first pregnancy? Hope you enjoyed that! Welcome to adult acne. Bloated with acne. Good times.
• Pregnancy brain is magnified this time. Yes, it is possible to be even dumber that you were during your first pregnancy. Now you are constantly thinking about your pregnancy while taking care of your first child, working, and trying to hold an adult life together. Good luck, idiot.

Don't worry! It's not all bad!

• The first ultrasound when you see that little heart beating the first time is just a magical and still a huge relief.
• Apparently you CAN love another person as much as you love your first, so don't worry about that.
• Your family will make an effort to act excited even though this isn't the golden child (aka: the first grandchild).
• There will come a time, several years down the road, when your children will play together. I hear you can sometimes sit for 30 minutes at a time doing nothing while they entertain each other. Hopefully this is not a myth.
• You have a lot of the baby gear that you will need (and a lot that you know you don't need). Some of it is even assembled.
• You MAY get to decorate for and dress the opposite gender. That could be a fun new adventure.
• You kind of know what to expect/what you are doing. I don't necessarily think it will be easier, but at least it is not your first rodeo. 

*It is a medical fact that you show earlier (about a month earlier to be exact) in the second pregnancy for two reasons:

1. Your uterus did not shrink down to its original size after your first pregnancy.
2. Your stomach muscles are already stretched out, so they cannot contain your growing uterus like they did the first time around.

**To be fair, Colin has been great. He tries not to laugh at my constant gagging and he has been really helpful with Jackson and housework. I am a lucky gal. 

There will be more to come on this subject. I am sure I am just getting started. 

Here we go!

Our gummy bear four weeks ago (we are officially 12 weeks today):

Flying with a Toddler

It took a few weeks to recover from the trauma. Now, I think I am ready to talk about it.

I think.

Our family does not buy in to the idea that life has to revolve around the toddler. For example, we still insist on going out to eat occasionally. Of course, in the moment we find ourselves asking why we would make this decision. Jackson is certainly not interested in sitting still and enjoying meaningful conversation and a meal. Inevitably, one of us is frantically eating while the other is chasing Jackson as he is playing "restaurant manager", visiting people at their tables as they eat.

Why would travel be any different? If we make the conscious decision to eat with our little monkey in public, why would we hesitate to take him on a plane to a different country?

To be fair, we booked our plane tickets seven months in advance and our accommodations about a month in advance. Clearly we had hesitations.

What can I say? We are adventurous people!

The flight to Mexico was pretty uneventful. At least I think it was. Looking back, the flight home was so traumatizing I think I may have forgotten what happened on the flight there. Let's just say, Jackson was not interested in reason or politeness on the way home. He was tired and bored, and if he is not happy no one is.

Rather than dwell on the past I prefer to learn from the experience. Despite the misery experienced by us and everyone around us, I am ready to do it again. Vacation trumps all!

If you are planning on flying with a toddler, here are some words of advice spoken from recent experience:

1. Do not count on a nap. In fact, holding out for the nap on the plane is a fatal error. Once the kid is overtired, there will be hell to pay. Perhaps you have the golden child who will fall fast asleep the minute the plane moves. If so, good for you. We did not have that experience. The plane is not a comfortable place for a nap, so don't get your hopes up.
2. Technology is your friend. I know the data says technology is bad for little people, but if you don't have the iPad and iPhone loaded up with apps that the kid knows how to use, good luck to you.
3. Snacks. Enough said.
4. Claim the milk on the plane immediately. The flight attendants would rather know you need it than give it away to someone else and pay the price with you.
5. If a flight attendant offers to serve the cabin while holding your child, say yes. This person is an angel sent from above to relive you from the screaming and squirming. In addition to silencing your toddler since they are now part of the action, this is also putting a face to the incessant screaming the other passengers have been enduring. All of the sudden, the screaming toddler is a star. However, keep in mind that said toddler will most certainly not be willing to go back to their seat now, so the flight attendant must be prepared to bounce the kid to sleep.
6. Beware of the people who gave you the hairy eyeball and made not-so-subtle comments at the beginning of the flight and then all the sudden think your kid is "so adorable". These people are now well-lubricated and will inevitably be source of the the loud noises that will wake up the offending toddler when they finally fall asleep. True story. Grrr.
7. Finally, keep in mind that this situation is temporary and will end once the plane lands. Sure, it will be the longest stretch of time in recent memory, but it will eventually be over.

If you are that person who is completely intolerant of unhappy children on planes, I will assume you do not have children of your own. If you plan on having kids one day, start trying to empathize now. I assure you it will be good for your karma. Trust me, you will need/want a vacation like a normal person. Plus, vacations can be some of the best memories you will make with your family.

If you are never going to have kids please do us (parents) a favor. Travel with earplugs and try your best to hide your distain and judgement. Someone has to create and parent the next generation.