These are conversations I find myself having with my unborn son. Sometimes these things are said aloud (sad, I know), but most of the time these are thoughts that I hope he can hear since we are currently physically connected.
- Excuse me child, but that is my bladder you are constantly resting on! Believe it or not, I actually have other things to do than urinate. Just kidding baby! It's not your fault. Your brother stretched mommy's tummy muscles out and now I can't support you as well in all your fetal glory.
- Awesome! Another Braxton Hicks contraction! I mean, of course I should get these every time I go from resting to standing. After all, you are sitting directly on my pelvis. I am pretty sure you are in the birthing position at this point. You do know we still have 12 weeks to go, right?
- Pardon me, but those are my ribs. As fun as it may be to stretch out as far as you can and run your fingers/toes across them, mommy looks a little crazy when she jumps out of her seat for seemingly no reason. While we are on the topic of ribs, when you stretch out and slowly push on them it feels like a balloon inflating in there. Cut it out!
- Have you noticed how mommy is so smart she has learned to sit on the toilet BEFORE sneezing? Yup, brilliant!
- Sorry Jackson is giving you kisses and petting you again. I am not sure if "baby kiss" and "baby pet" are happening because he truly loves you and wants to say hello or if it is just another way to physically assault mommy. Either way, he can't feel it when you try to kick him back. Only I can.
- Sorry about the one piece of spicy tuna sushi I ate the other day. Oh, and the half can of Pepsi is also not recommended. I am pretty sure you are a tough boy. You can handle it big guy!
- Oh, looks like the nausea is back. Cool. I will do my best to try and eat healthy little buddy, but at this point you are going to have to take what I can stomach. I apologize for any inconvenience the gagging after meals causes you. I will try not to actively vomit so you at least get some nutrients out of the deal.
- Sorry if it is a little warm in here, but we are going to sit in this bath a little longer. I am not ready to put forth the effort it is going to take to reach a standing position from here.
- That is really neat that you can do a full somersault in mommy's belly! Now, please take note that we are supposed to sleep at night. If you could limit your gymnastics to daytime hours, that would be great.
- Speaking of sleep, since mommy has to sleep on her side, please work on finding a way to make this a comfortable way to rest for you as well. I could be wrong, but it feels like you are standing up on the bed next to me doing the "Watch Me" dance the minute I lay down to sleep. Lets take it down a notch, mmkay? Kind of a light sleeper here.
- So, we are starting our third trimester in just a few days. Apparently, mommy is going to grow more uncomfortable and tired. Plus, school starts in a few weeks so we are going to be busy! Please keep in mind, I need you to stay in there and bake for at least 9 more weeks if you are going to come out done. No matter how much I complain, don't try and get out of there! Stay put until all of your organs are ready to function on their own. Trust me, it is better in there than in the hospital. I can't wait to meet you, but full term is our goal here buddy!
XOXO,
Mommy
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