To be fair, I was warned.
When Colin decided he was open to giving Jackson a sibling, he said since we have most of the baby gear we need and we kind of know what we are doing it should only be about 50% more work. "Totally!" was my response despite the fact I have plenty of friends with more than one kid and I knew better. I just didn't want to discourage the idea of having another kid.
I don't think the 2+ years difference in age is a mistake. Sure, Jackson can't really be reasoned with at this point. That is developmental and not his fault. I mean, it really isn't even his fault that he melts down after you put milk in his cereal even though he specifically requested milk. Just FYI: He knows what you are up to when you try to just pour the milk into the sink and give him the soggy remnants.
In my humble opinion, waiting another year to have another baby was not the answer. From my understanding, three is challenging as well. So what is the answer?
We expected a regression, but holy cow!
In his defense, Jackson was traumatized twice in the past three weeks. First, we left him for four days while we were in the hospital having Carter. Then, he was left again when Carter was admitted to the NICU and daddy left for a work trip. There was nothing we could do to prevent any of this, but we sure are paying the price now.
As you can probably imagine, separation anxiety has reared its ugly head. Our independent and flexible little guy is now a stage five clinger. He also has very little tolerance for baby Carter taking up mommy's time (and lap).
That being said, Jackson is trying so hard to be a good brother and mommy's helper. Poor Carter is already so tough. He can withstand a pacifier being forced into his mouth, kicks to his head and body, and even a little bit of smothering. Jackson just wants to engage with his brother. In the meantime, I am realizing the wild two year old boy behavior that used to be tolerable and understandable is now a major source of mommy stress.
It is super important for me to keep in mind that along with the clingy and wild behavior, Jackson is also such a sweetheart. For every behavior that makes me want to pull my hair out, he turns around and melts my heart. He is growing up so fast and I don't want to miss it because I am so wrapped up with trying to keep Carter alive and well in his presence.
I feel complete now that Carter is here. Having both of my sons by my side is the best feeling in the world. My heart feels like it is going to explode when Jackson holds his brother. It is the sweetest thing in the world to witness the blossoming love between siblings. I can't imagine Jackson as an only child and I don't regret a thing despite how hard these past few weeks have been.
All I can hope for is infinite patience and the ability to give my little boy some grace during this transition. Now, if only he would voluntarily go to bed at night and spare us the epic meltdowns. Some decent sleep would do us all some good.
Adding another person to the family does not double the work. It feels like way more than that right now. I am not a math teacher, so hopefully I am calculating this wrong. Perhaps time changes the equation.
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