Outnumbered

Well, if you haven't heard (or did not figure out Colin's somewhat confusing and cryptic post)....

It's a boy!

I know, I am shocked too. Considering how sick I have been this time around, I was certain a little girl had taken over my body. I actually said, "Are you sure?" when the nurse congratulated me on my second boy. Considering it has been determined by a chromosomal genetic test, it is 100% positive that gummy bear is a boy.

Therefore, it is official: I am outnumbered.

Even our dogs are boys! To be fair, I wanted to get a female Boston when we got Murphy Redd, but she was already taken. I tried.

Despite the fact I was prepared for a new adventure with a little girl, I am actually very excited that I am baking a little brother for Jackson. It will be fun having two boys; brothers who can play and hopefully form a brotherly bond for life.

Several people have said that I seem like a boy's mommy. I am not completely sure what that means, but I take it as a compliment. Maybe it is because I like to play outside and don't mind a little dirt. Perhaps it is due to the fact that I am not a fan of girl drama (even through I deal with it often as a middle school teacher). I think Colin said it best when he pointed out that I am not a "girly girl".

So, here I am. Completely outnumbered. The newest member of the "Mommy to Boys Club". I look forward to frequent trips to the ER, lots of trucks, cars, and legos, and spending an extraordinary about of time playing outside.

Actually, it sounds pretty fun!

The Year of the Princess

Now that the pregnancy is public, the big questions are:

• Are you going to find out the gender?
• When are you going to find out?
• Are you going to share?
• What do you want it to be?
• What is Colin going to do if it is a girl?

I am only half-serious about the last one. Yes, Colin wants another boy, but he really just wants a healthy pregnancy and baby. In my opinion, he has no idea if he wants a girl or not. Honestly, I think the concept of having a girl is a little foreign at this point. There is no reason to even think about it seriously until it is a reality.

Some people have said, "Colin deserves a girl." Not sure what that means, but it seems a little mean...

I know it is a canned answer, but all I really want is a healthy baby as well. We have been so fortunate that Jackson is so healthy, all I hope for is a repeat (minus the premature status if possible!). I already have the perfect little boy that I always wanted. I can honestly say I am super-excited either way. Another boy would be fun because Jackson would have a little brother to roughhouse with (rather than continue to physically assault me and the poor dogs). On the other hand, there is a lot of testosterone in my house, so a little girl would be a welcome change of pace.

Plus, aren't girls really good sleepers, mellow, and mild-tempered as babies? Right? Anyone?

Oh yea, about the gender. I had the MaterniT21 test done on Wednesday. This is a genetic test they recommend to old people who are pregnant (aka: anyone 35 and older - we are A.M.A. - advanced material age). Apparently, my baby's DNA is floating around in my blood, so if they suck enough out of me they can analyze my baby's chromosomes. In addition to determining if we have any genetic defects to worry about (Trisomy 18 & 21, Klinefelter, etc.), they can also see if I am building and baking an XX or XY human.

If you ask me, it is XX all the way. I don't say this because I necessarily want a girl (I only kind of do). I say this because this pregnancy feels so different. That is my scientific reasoning.

The validity of my scientific reasoning will be determined late next week.

Of course, the big news today is that a princess was born. How does this apply to our situation? I will explain:

• Colin and I got married in 2011, a few months after William and Kate. 
• Jackson came in 2013, a few weeks after Prince George was born. 
• Now, we are due in 2015, a few months after Princess __(?)__ came along.

I told Colin things weren't looking so good for him.....

I am sure I will look as fantastic as Kate does a few hours after childbirth. My hair and makeup team will be on standby.

(Yeah. And monkeys might fly out of my butt.)

 

Exactly Like The First Time, Except Completely Different

Here we go again!

I am in the process of making Jackson a sibling, from scratch. I spent some time reading my posts from when he was born. This is the reason I started this blog; to document the joy and pain of having a child.

I am confident we have made the right decision.

Pregnancy is a funny thing. I had a lovely pregnancy with Jackson. Other than some fatigue in the first trimester, a small bout of nausea around dinner time for a few weeks, a broken leg, excessively swollen feet, and some random pain here and there, I really enjoyed being pregnant.

They say (whoever "they" are) that each pregnancy is different. I concur.

I actually knew I was pregnant early in the morning on Friday, February 27th. Actually, I take that back. I initially thought I had the flu OR I was dying. I woke up with the chills. I literally felt them run up and down my spine. I dragged myself out of bed to get a sweatshirt and I felt like I might faint. For a second I considered sleeping on Jackson's floor knowing his space heater had that room nice and cozy. I kept waiting for the fever to come.....

I woke up feeling nauseous, icky, and overall very fluish. The fever never came so I schlepped Jackson to day care and got myself to school. I sat in a fog wondering what I had done to deserve this. I have a toddler, isn't that hard enough? Now I am going to die and leave my family behind?

Then it hit me.

I am pregnant. I have to go get a pregnancy test, now.

As a family, we had tentatively decided that maybe we could do it all again to give Jackson a sibling. Well, to be fair, Jackson really didn't have a choice in the matter. Our tentative plan was apparently a go. I got the very faint positive and I knew this was it.

Then it hit me.

This does not feel good. How am I going to pull this off?

I find that looking at the humor in an otherwise difficult situation is the easiest way to get through. So here is the raw and honest truth about a second pregnancy (so far).

Your Second Pregnancy: Exactly Like The First Time, Except Completely Different

Thinking about having another little angel? Here is the honest truth.

• Your friends who had lovely, easy, glowing pregnancies multiple times are the exceptions to the rule. Next time they tell you they would consider being a surrogate because it was so easy, throw up on their shoe. It will make you feel better. Promise.
• Taking care of a toddler while you are pregnant is a large part of your new challenge. Gone are the days when you come home from work in your first trimester and take a nap. A word of advice: go to bed immediately after them. It is your only hope.
• If you have nausea, gagging, and vomiting, be prepared to be mocked by your toddler. Don't take it personally when they mimic your constant gagging sounds.
• *Be prepared to show immediately. It won't really be showing; you are most likely bloated. However, you will look pregnant. Good luck hiding it.
• **Your spouse has "been there, done that". He has seen you through your first pregnancy and you made it through. Do not expect to be treated like the fragile, glowing, pregnancy princess that you were the first time around. He will be much more relaxed and less worried. In fact, you may need to remind him that you are pregnant sometimes. 
• Suck it up; complaining isn't lady-like. I find that the disclaimer "Please assume I feel like a hangover married a flu and I am carrying their child until otherwise notified" gets the point across. No one wants the play-by-play of your physical discomfort.
• Breathe through your mouth when changing dirty diapers. There is no other way to survive this.
• Did you have clear skin in your first pregnancy? Hope you enjoyed that! Welcome to adult acne. Bloated with acne. Good times.
• Pregnancy brain is magnified this time. Yes, it is possible to be even dumber that you were during your first pregnancy. Now you are constantly thinking about your pregnancy while taking care of your first child, working, and trying to hold an adult life together. Good luck, idiot.

Don't worry! It's not all bad!

• The first ultrasound when you see that little heart beating the first time is just a magical and still a huge relief.
• Apparently you CAN love another person as much as you love your first, so don't worry about that.
• Your family will make an effort to act excited even though this isn't the golden child (aka: the first grandchild).
• There will come a time, several years down the road, when your children will play together. I hear you can sometimes sit for 30 minutes at a time doing nothing while they entertain each other. Hopefully this is not a myth.
• You have a lot of the baby gear that you will need (and a lot that you know you don't need). Some of it is even assembled.
• You MAY get to decorate for and dress the opposite gender. That could be a fun new adventure.
• You kind of know what to expect/what you are doing. I don't necessarily think it will be easier, but at least it is not your first rodeo. 

*It is a medical fact that you show earlier (about a month earlier to be exact) in the second pregnancy for two reasons:

1. Your uterus did not shrink down to its original size after your first pregnancy.
2. Your stomach muscles are already stretched out, so they cannot contain your growing uterus like they did the first time around.

**To be fair, Colin has been great. He tries not to laugh at my constant gagging and he has been really helpful with Jackson and housework. I am a lucky gal. 

There will be more to come on this subject. I am sure I am just getting started. 

Here we go!

Our gummy bear four weeks ago (we are officially 12 weeks today):

Flying with a Toddler

It took a few weeks to recover from the trauma. Now, I think I am ready to talk about it.

I think.

Our family does not buy in to the idea that life has to revolve around the toddler. For example, we still insist on going out to eat occasionally. Of course, in the moment we find ourselves asking why we would make this decision. Jackson is certainly not interested in sitting still and enjoying meaningful conversation and a meal. Inevitably, one of us is frantically eating while the other is chasing Jackson as he is playing "restaurant manager", visiting people at their tables as they eat.

Why would travel be any different? If we make the conscious decision to eat with our little monkey in public, why would we hesitate to take him on a plane to a different country?

To be fair, we booked our plane tickets seven months in advance and our accommodations about a month in advance. Clearly we had hesitations.

What can I say? We are adventurous people!

The flight to Mexico was pretty uneventful. At least I think it was. Looking back, the flight home was so traumatizing I think I may have forgotten what happened on the flight there. Let's just say, Jackson was not interested in reason or politeness on the way home. He was tired and bored, and if he is not happy no one is.

Rather than dwell on the past I prefer to learn from the experience. Despite the misery experienced by us and everyone around us, I am ready to do it again. Vacation trumps all!

If you are planning on flying with a toddler, here are some words of advice spoken from recent experience:

1. Do not count on a nap. In fact, holding out for the nap on the plane is a fatal error. Once the kid is overtired, there will be hell to pay. Perhaps you have the golden child who will fall fast asleep the minute the plane moves. If so, good for you. We did not have that experience. The plane is not a comfortable place for a nap, so don't get your hopes up.
2. Technology is your friend. I know the data says technology is bad for little people, but if you don't have the iPad and iPhone loaded up with apps that the kid knows how to use, good luck to you.
3. Snacks. Enough said.
4. Claim the milk on the plane immediately. The flight attendants would rather know you need it than give it away to someone else and pay the price with you.
5. If a flight attendant offers to serve the cabin while holding your child, say yes. This person is an angel sent from above to relive you from the screaming and squirming. In addition to silencing your toddler since they are now part of the action, this is also putting a face to the incessant screaming the other passengers have been enduring. All of the sudden, the screaming toddler is a star. However, keep in mind that said toddler will most certainly not be willing to go back to their seat now, so the flight attendant must be prepared to bounce the kid to sleep.
6. Beware of the people who gave you the hairy eyeball and made not-so-subtle comments at the beginning of the flight and then all the sudden think your kid is "so adorable". These people are now well-lubricated and will inevitably be source of the the loud noises that will wake up the offending toddler when they finally fall asleep. True story. Grrr.
7. Finally, keep in mind that this situation is temporary and will end once the plane lands. Sure, it will be the longest stretch of time in recent memory, but it will eventually be over.

If you are that person who is completely intolerant of unhappy children on planes, I will assume you do not have children of your own. If you plan on having kids one day, start trying to empathize now. I assure you it will be good for your karma. Trust me, you will need/want a vacation like a normal person. Plus, vacations can be some of the best memories you will make with your family.

If you are never going to have kids please do us (parents) a favor. Travel with earplugs and try your best to hide your distain and judgement. Someone has to create and parent the next generation.

Before You Judge Common Core.....

Come sit in one of our classrooms and see what these kids are capable of!

Just this week I told my students that if a person who had no idea what is really going on in our classrooms came in off the street and witnessed what they had just done...

they.would.be.shocked.

There is so much information out on the web bashing Common Core. Yes, it was developed apparently without much input from actual teachers. Of course this shift in education is putting a lot of money in pockets that don't exactly need more money. Certainly incentivizing teachers based on standardized test scores and value added models of measuring student success is silly and even wrong. Perhaps there is not as much time for creativity in reading and writing.

However, it is not ALL bad.

The idea of testing kids based on their skills for acquiring information from provided sources feels like at least the playing field is more leveled. In theory, if a student has everything they need to answer questions and produce writing right in front of them, doesn't it make sense that everyone has a chance to succeed? As teachers, all we need to do is teach them the skills they need to make this happen.

Skills.

I am in a situation where I am still "judged" by how my students score on a test that is largely content-based. The fact of the matter is, there is not enough time in the years I have them to get to all the content that this test covers. Therefore, all I can really do is teach them some basic test-taking skills and give them a big science overview in the days before they take the test.

It seems it would be more fair to judge my effectiveness as a teacher based on the science skills I am teaching my students. I can't believe I am saying this, but I am envious of the common core-based state tests at this point.

Back to my original point. Before you judge common core, keep in mind that our students are capable of so much more than they are given credit for. The attitude that these standards and tests are too difficult is assuming they will fail before given the chance to even try. Data shows that high expectations lead to better grades and overall performance in school. Why are we so scared to challenge our kids?

Just a thought.

HOWEVER, we do spend entirely too much time testing......

That is all.

Dakota

Dakota was a naughty dog.

Don't get me wrong. He was a sweet boy.

Dakota was naughty in an endearing, lovable way. His mischievous personality made him interesting. When most people think of golden retrievers, they picture a sweet, loyal, family dog. Dakota was all of those things. However, he had a side to him that separated him from the pack. His naughty ways made me love him even more.

Naughty Dakota moments (in no particular order)

• Walking himself by grabbing his leash in his mouth
• Perusing the junkyard across the street from our house on Roosevelt
• Nosing around in the uncovered compost pile on Roosevelt
• Chasing the mama doe and her Bambies on Roosevelt (likely due to encouragement from Colin)
• Chewing holes in the carpet in my apartment, the rental house on Hill street, and our rental house on Roosevelt
• Chewing the walls in my apartment 
• The moments when he had a choice: come back in the house OR carouse around the neighborhood - he almost always got a twinkle in his eyes and chose to carouse
• *Having to register as a sex offender for defiling his Aunt Sophie in the back of the Tundra at a Safeway in Tahoe - so embarrassing when he had to knock on doors and inform all of the neighbors of his presence when we moved to a new house
• Knocking over small children in the park - he never understood how big he was
• Choosing to exit river right in the Old Mill to troll for hamburgers at Red Robin while we were floating the river - thank goodness for the nice pedestrians who guided him back into the water

*This is an inside/family joke-I don't expect anyone who does not know this story to understand, but I had to include it.

I am sure the list could go on. I did not even give Colin a chance to weigh in with his favorite moments. He wasn't Marley & Me naughty, but you get the point.

He sure was handsome. Perhaps that is why he got away with so much......

We lost Dakota on Thursday, October 16th. He was just over nine years old, too young to go. He had been a little "off" for a few days. We noticed he was not eating much, but he was an older dog and certainly seemed to go through little phases when he may not be feeling so great. However, we had no idea he was really sick. After about three days of not eating and some behavior ups and downs, Colin noticed something was really wrong one evening before he came upstairs to bed. Dakota was sitting next to him while he was in the recliner and he had his head cocked to the side with a strange look on his face. He could not seem to shake it, but Colin eventually got him to his bed and came upstairs. Hoping to not get me worried, he did not say anything about it. I had been at school for 12 hours due to conferences and had another 12 hour day on the horizon, so he spared me any reason to lose sleep.

The next day I got an IM from Colin asking me to call him. Dakota had collapsed in the backyard and wasn't doing so well. At first I advised Colin to call the vet and keep me updated. The more I thought about the story from the night before and the gravity of him actually collapsing and losing his bowels on himself, I started to realize this was not going to end well. I knew I could not sit at school waiting to hear what was going on, so I asked Colin to head to the vet despite the fact they were not open yet. I left school to meet him and my dad there.

I could tell immediately by the look on my dad's face the minute I walked in to the waiting room that it was bad. My parents have never recovered from the loss of our family golden, Cody, and that happened over ten years ago. They were reliving the experience because they were staying with us at our house while all of this was happening.

A few minutes later, Colin and I were able to meet with the vet, who was there to perform surgery but stopped what she was doing to take care of our emergency. She informed us that Dakota was bleeding pretty heavily internally, likely due to a mass in his abdomen that had ruptured. Even though I saw the writing on the wall as I was driving to the vet, I broke down sobbing. My poor baby was sick and I had no idea. How long had he been in pain? Were there obvious signs telling me something was seriously wrong that I had missed? Our lives were turned upside down for the past 14 months with the premature arrival of Jackson and being first time parents. I knew our dogs had taken a back seat, but I always thought they would have their glory days of being our pampered fur babies again soon. Unfortunately, it was too late. He was treated like a dog for the first time in his life for the past year, and it was too late to make it up to him.

Dakota was on heavy pain meds when they brought him in on a stretcher. He was smiling and wagging his tail. Our naughty dog had no idea this was his time. It was excruciating, but I stayed with him until his last breath. When he was gone, I stayed a little longer and told him everything I would have done with him if we had more time together.

I was wracked with remorse, guilt, and disbelief. I tried to go back to school and continue with conferences. Bad idea. By mid-day I put a sign on my door apologizing to the families I would miss and left. I wasn't doing anyone any good crying my way through the day. It was awkward, and having to explain myself each time my students and their families walked in on me crying was making things worse.

In a way, it was a blessing that we did not know he was sick. He did not suffer much, and we did not have to watch him slowly die. Either way, we lost a member of our family. People who love their dogs as if they were children understand the gaping hole left in your heart when they pass. A friend told me that nothing would ever fill that hole, but there is room for more love in my heart. She was right.

RIP Dakota.
We love you very much.

I Ate Poop

I'll set the scene:

Jackson is bundled in his full-body snowsuit and boots. Colin and I are shoveling the driveway. Jackson relocates to the mat in front of the door. We naively presume he has found a warm, dry spot to relax and watch us work.

Wrong!

Colin notices one of Jackson's gloves has come off. Typical, the puppy is constantly undressing our baby. 

"Honey, the baby is eating poop."

Fantastic.

I guess Jackson found some frozen treats in the snow and decided to go for it while we were busy assuming he was being a good boy.

Here is some advice from a rookie mom if you ever find yourself in this situation.

What To Do When Your Baby Eats Poop

1. Determine the specific type of feces. In this case, it was puppy poop left in the snow for Jackson to enjoy. If you are dealing with dog or baby poop, proceed to step 2. If you are unsure of the poop origin, call your pediatrician or poison control immediately.
2. Run a warm bath. Baby needs to be cleaned immediately! You may be thinking, "the poop is already inside", but you need to remove the residuals from the hands, mouth, and any other parts before the situation continues downhill. 
3. Remove clothes. Consider burning them.
4. Remove any poop from baby exterior before immersing in tub. In this case, the poop started out frozen so we did not have a big mess. 
5. Apply soap liberally. I included the mouth, both interior and exterior. Hey, I use all-natural soap, so don't judge. I figure people have been washing kid's mouths out with soap for hundreds of years for using bad words; this is just a different type of potty mouth.
6. Google "My baby ate poop". You will be surprised how this pops up immediately and how many websites offer both advice and comfort. You are not alone.
7. Feed your baby. Clearly whatever you were doing at the time of the incident was not more important than your baby's hunger. 
8. Watch for diarrhea, low-grade fever, and any other intestinal issues. These are all normal. Consider calling pediatrician during regular office hours. Again, this is not an emergency.
9. Participate in online baby shaming to document incident. Save story for baby's rehearsal dinner one day.