Dakota

Dakota was a naughty dog.

Don't get me wrong. He was a sweet boy.

Dakota was naughty in an endearing, lovable way. His mischievous personality made him interesting. When most people think of golden retrievers, they picture a sweet, loyal, family dog. Dakota was all of those things. However, he had a side to him that separated him from the pack. His naughty ways made me love him even more.

Naughty Dakota moments (in no particular order)

• Walking himself by grabbing his leash in his mouth
• Perusing the junkyard across the street from our house on Roosevelt
• Nosing around in the uncovered compost pile on Roosevelt
• Chasing the mama doe and her Bambies on Roosevelt (likely due to encouragement from Colin)
• Chewing holes in the carpet in my apartment, the rental house on Hill street, and our rental house on Roosevelt
• Chewing the walls in my apartment 
• The moments when he had a choice: come back in the house OR carouse around the neighborhood - he almost always got a twinkle in his eyes and chose to carouse
• *Having to register as a sex offender for defiling his Aunt Sophie in the back of the Tundra at a Safeway in Tahoe - so embarrassing when he had to knock on doors and inform all of the neighbors of his presence when we moved to a new house
• Knocking over small children in the park - he never understood how big he was
• Choosing to exit river right in the Old Mill to troll for hamburgers at Red Robin while we were floating the river - thank goodness for the nice pedestrians who guided him back into the water

*This is an inside/family joke-I don't expect anyone who does not know this story to understand, but I had to include it.

I am sure the list could go on. I did not even give Colin a chance to weigh in with his favorite moments. He wasn't Marley & Me naughty, but you get the point.

He sure was handsome. Perhaps that is why he got away with so much......

We lost Dakota on Thursday, October 16th. He was just over nine years old, too young to go. He had been a little "off" for a few days. We noticed he was not eating much, but he was an older dog and certainly seemed to go through little phases when he may not be feeling so great. However, we had no idea he was really sick. After about three days of not eating and some behavior ups and downs, Colin noticed something was really wrong one evening before he came upstairs to bed. Dakota was sitting next to him while he was in the recliner and he had his head cocked to the side with a strange look on his face. He could not seem to shake it, but Colin eventually got him to his bed and came upstairs. Hoping to not get me worried, he did not say anything about it. I had been at school for 12 hours due to conferences and had another 12 hour day on the horizon, so he spared me any reason to lose sleep.

The next day I got an IM from Colin asking me to call him. Dakota had collapsed in the backyard and wasn't doing so well. At first I advised Colin to call the vet and keep me updated. The more I thought about the story from the night before and the gravity of him actually collapsing and losing his bowels on himself, I started to realize this was not going to end well. I knew I could not sit at school waiting to hear what was going on, so I asked Colin to head to the vet despite the fact they were not open yet. I left school to meet him and my dad there.

I could tell immediately by the look on my dad's face the minute I walked in to the waiting room that it was bad. My parents have never recovered from the loss of our family golden, Cody, and that happened over ten years ago. They were reliving the experience because they were staying with us at our house while all of this was happening.

A few minutes later, Colin and I were able to meet with the vet, who was there to perform surgery but stopped what she was doing to take care of our emergency. She informed us that Dakota was bleeding pretty heavily internally, likely due to a mass in his abdomen that had ruptured. Even though I saw the writing on the wall as I was driving to the vet, I broke down sobbing. My poor baby was sick and I had no idea. How long had he been in pain? Were there obvious signs telling me something was seriously wrong that I had missed? Our lives were turned upside down for the past 14 months with the premature arrival of Jackson and being first time parents. I knew our dogs had taken a back seat, but I always thought they would have their glory days of being our pampered fur babies again soon. Unfortunately, it was too late. He was treated like a dog for the first time in his life for the past year, and it was too late to make it up to him.

Dakota was on heavy pain meds when they brought him in on a stretcher. He was smiling and wagging his tail. Our naughty dog had no idea this was his time. It was excruciating, but I stayed with him until his last breath. When he was gone, I stayed a little longer and told him everything I would have done with him if we had more time together.

I was wracked with remorse, guilt, and disbelief. I tried to go back to school and continue with conferences. Bad idea. By mid-day I put a sign on my door apologizing to the families I would miss and left. I wasn't doing anyone any good crying my way through the day. It was awkward, and having to explain myself each time my students and their families walked in on me crying was making things worse.

In a way, it was a blessing that we did not know he was sick. He did not suffer much, and we did not have to watch him slowly die. Either way, we lost a member of our family. People who love their dogs as if they were children understand the gaping hole left in your heart when they pass. A friend told me that nothing would ever fill that hole, but there is room for more love in my heart. She was right.

RIP Dakota.
We love you very much.

I Ate Poop

I'll set the scene:

Jackson is bundled in his full-body snowsuit and boots. Colin and I are shoveling the driveway. Jackson relocates to the mat in front of the door. We naively presume he has found a warm, dry spot to relax and watch us work.

Wrong!

Colin notices one of Jackson's gloves has come off. Typical, the puppy is constantly undressing our baby. 

"Honey, the baby is eating poop."

Fantastic.

I guess Jackson found some frozen treats in the snow and decided to go for it while we were busy assuming he was being a good boy.

Here is some advice from a rookie mom if you ever find yourself in this situation.

What To Do When Your Baby Eats Poop

1. Determine the specific type of feces. In this case, it was puppy poop left in the snow for Jackson to enjoy. If you are dealing with dog or baby poop, proceed to step 2. If you are unsure of the poop origin, call your pediatrician or poison control immediately.
2. Run a warm bath. Baby needs to be cleaned immediately! You may be thinking, "the poop is already inside", but you need to remove the residuals from the hands, mouth, and any other parts before the situation continues downhill. 
3. Remove clothes. Consider burning them.
4. Remove any poop from baby exterior before immersing in tub. In this case, the poop started out frozen so we did not have a big mess. 
5. Apply soap liberally. I included the mouth, both interior and exterior. Hey, I use all-natural soap, so don't judge. I figure people have been washing kid's mouths out with soap for hundreds of years for using bad words; this is just a different type of potty mouth.
6. Google "My baby ate poop". You will be surprised how this pops up immediately and how many websites offer both advice and comfort. You are not alone.
7. Feed your baby. Clearly whatever you were doing at the time of the incident was not more important than your baby's hunger. 
8. Watch for diarrhea, low-grade fever, and any other intestinal issues. These are all normal. Consider calling pediatrician during regular office hours. Again, this is not an emergency.
9. Participate in online baby shaming to document incident. Save story for baby's rehearsal dinner one day.

Dear 13 Month Old Jackson,

I thought we would've had this figured out by now.

Nighttime.Is.For.Sleeping.

It is really quite simple. When I lay you in your crib after your soothing bottle of warm milk (you are pushing boundaries with that one, by the way), I don't want to see you for at least 10 hours. Don't get me wrong, I miss you very much. However, Mommy and Daddy need sleep. Consequently, so do you.

Trust me, I think about you all night. In fact, I wake up a few times almost every night thinking I hear you, but when I look on the monitor you are sound asleep. Seriously, you have spent so much time screaming in the middle of the night your voice has invaded my sleep.

Here's the deal, after soliciting advice from fellow mommies and daddies, we have made a tough decision. From the hours of approximately 8 p.m. - 5 a.m. you are on your own. Mommy will no longer make an appearance when you scream in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. It's not that we don't love you very much. It is quite the opposite. We love you so much we have to let you learn how to self-soothe so you can get the rest you so desperately need.

Just to be clear, here are some photos to illustrate our expectations:

Yes!!!!!

No!!!!!

Creepy, but you are quietly trying to fall asleep, so okay.

Not so comfortable, but you are asleep so, okay.

Yes!!!!

Okay, here you are clearly denying a nap. So, no!

Get it?

While we are on the subject of making requests, we should also talk about your attitude in the evening. I understand you have had a long day of playing, babbling, learning to walk, eating, and overall babying, but do you really have to be such a pill about getting ready for bed? Personally, if someone drew me a warm lavender water bath followed by a Cetaphil massage, I would consider it a spa experience. I am not sure why you must scream while we put on your jammies, but it feels a little ungrateful. Just saying.

On a positive note, you are super-cute and an overall amazing little person. Your smile lights up a room and your laughter literally melts hearts. You are such a little ham in public and people seem to fall in love with you instantly. Mommy and Daddy are absolutely smitten with you even when you are being a little toot. I know I should not tell you this, but you really can do no wrong. Our love for you trumps any bad behavior you can throw our way. Still, try and keep it down when it is sleepytime.

Thanks buddy!

Love,
Mommy

P.S. I understand you will point out the irony regarding the sleep request in this when I write your "Dear 13 Year Old Jackson," letter.

Welcome to one!

Needless to say, the cake smash was a success! This face says it all.

Jackson turned one on Tuesday, August 6th. I decided to celebrate by taking him to the pool and then for his one year well baby check up. I can report that half of my idea was good; I am sure you can guess which half. The one year vaccinations (pneumonia, MMR, and chicken pox) did a number on him for a few days. Throw in a transition from easy to digest formula to whole milk and eating table food, this kid had a lot going on.

We celebrated his first birthday on Saturday, August 9th. It was intended to be a "baby rager"so we provided fun for adults and children. It was a lovely party in MayMay & Grandy's backyard and there was a great turn out considering it was on a weekend in August (Bendites tend to make the most of summer weekends and go camping). 

Jackson was tired and "off" for his party, but he put on a good show. We are fortunate that he loves people, especially other kids, so he handled it pretty well. It seemed like everyone had fun and the slip & slide was a hit once Colin demonstrated proper technique for the kids. We put a lot of time, effort, and money into the shindig, so it was nice to see it all come together so well. We continue to feel so blessed to have so many people in our lives that love and support our family.

Once the party was over and cleaned up, it was time for me to enjoy the last few days of summer before work starts again. It really started to sink in that Jackson is not our baby anymore. He is a toddler now and it is starting to show. Eating table foods is a new milestone that he has mastered. In fact, he is so good he can even eat part of a pine needle without choking. Go Jackson! He loves his whole milk (pretty sure he got that from me; I may sneak some from his stash sometimes) and is starting to understand how to use his sippy cup.

The biggest milestone is still slightly out of reach. Jackson still cannot walk on his own. He has been crawling very efficiently for months now. We spend a lot of time making sure he is not "out of bounds". He can climb the entire staircase by himself (with a supervisor there to catch him, of course) and this is just one of the many hazardous zones in our house we have to block off and monitor. He loves to "cruise" around using furniture and just about anything else he can hang on to, so he is very close to walking. However, the first steps have not happened just yet. 

People have told me to push him down when he tries to walk to prolong the event. First of all, that is mean. Second, why would I not want him to walk? Frankly, I think it is time he starts getting around on his own. He weighs over twenty pounds and it is starting to take a toll on my body. I had a massage last week (and it was glorious), but the pain I endured as this poor woman tried to work out the tightness in my back, neck, and shoulders was unbelievable. Remind me again why it would be a bad thing if Jackson could walk out to the car on his own. I think that sounds great.

You can do it buddy!

My naive expectation has been that Jackson would finally sleep through the night by the time he is one. Honestly, the fact he has not been consistently sleeping through the night is all my fault. I was told by his pediatrician in May that if it is easier to get up and nurse him back to sleep if he is waking up in the middle of the night that I was not going to do any permanent "sleep damage". My thought was to continue this process while I was working so I could maximize my sleep and I would deal with sleep training (aka: crying it out) in the summer when I had more time to nap. Either way, this never happened and I have been waking up with him all summer. 

Okay, so Jackson is one. Not only does he still wake up at night, it is harder to put him back down AND he is all the sudden having a hard time going down for naps. I can tell he is so tired, but he fights sleep for as long as he can. This means I spend up to four hours per day (those are the really bad days) just trying to get him down for his two naps. It is pretty hard to feel as if I have accomplished anything when that much time is spent trying to help him get the sleep he so desperately needs.

Fortunately, my friend mentioned the other day that she is experiencing the same thing with her 18 month old son and that she forgot from her experience with her older child that this happens several times before two years old. What Jackson has been experiencing is sleep regression, again. Upon further research, sleep regression usually happens just before a major milestone. We are at the classic one year sleep regression stage, just before the walking milestone. According to several websites and sleep "experts", the brain is so busy trying to figure out how to walk, which is a major progression, something else has to regress, and sleep is the most common victim.

Perhaps the most disturbing information I came across was that this can go on anywhere from two to six weeks. 

Six weeks? 

The good news is we are about a week in. Let's just hope we fit in to the two week scenario. Mama needs her patience for the middle schoolers that will be in her classroom in just two short weeks.

 

It is not my intention to portray Jackson as a total nightmare toddler. We certainly are not there yet. From what I hear, age three is when I will start those posts. Actually, other than the misery of trying to get him to sleep, he is at his best ever right now. He is such a charmer and flirt in public. People are so delighted by him because he smiles, laughs, waves, and claps anytime he is given attention. I am so proud of his wonderful personality. To avoid tainting his public image, I will spare you the details of what happens in his nursery before naps and bedtime.........

I just forgot how to go to sleep, mama.

Pardon me, Father Time.....

You are freaking me out!

First of all, Jackson turns one in just six days. What? How is that even possible?

Second, my summer feels like it is almost over. Seriously, I was just wrapping things up in my classroom and now it is almost time to go back.

I need a reprieve. Just this once.

Perhaps reprieve is a little dramatic. I have not been sentenced to death. However, the thought of leaving Jackson every day again is getting a little too real. How about a postponement? A month would do, I suppose.

To be honest, I am usually getting pretty excited about the prospect of starting a fresh, new school year at this point in the year (August 1st). I know, I know, I am supposed to squeeze every second out of the summer I earn each year. Those darn kids creep back into my brain and I miss them! Running into them every time I go out in public does not help the situation. Note to self: Red Robin, although welcoming to Jackson's vocal volume and mess, is a guaranteed location to run into students.

Work is creeping up on me. In just over two weeks my calendar is clogged with trainings and in-services. I have a student teacher, iPad, and Adopt-a-Farmer program all encroaching on my last week of freedom. I am down to one day off during my last week of summer. To be clear, I have taken on these new adventures willingly with the exception of the iPad, which is not exactly my choice, however a useful addition to my classroom. At this point I am just wondering if I really thought everything through!

Although I have whittled down my list of summer projects, I still have several things I want to accomplish before the whirlwind of school starts again. Time to get motivated, and time for Jackson to take some long naps so I can be super-productive!

First things first, Jackson has a pretty big birthday coming up. I mean, it is really a celebration that Colin and I have managed to keep him alive, safe, and healthy for a whole year. Yay us! Despite the fact that Jackson won't really understand what is going on, I plan on an epic party to commemorate his first year. Perhaps I should get to work planning considering I have one week. Guess I better quit rambling and get on Pintrest.........

Who wouldn't want to celebrate this little man?

Full Circle

Nearly a year ago, Colin and I decided to move forward with our plan to go to the Michael Franti concert despite the fact our world had been turned upside-down by the premature arrival of Jackson. I had been out of the hospital for only one day after enduring six days of bed rest, an emergency C-section, and four days of recovery, but I was determined to do something "normal". Plus, we always love Franti shows; he brings such positivity and light to our town with his uplifting music. It really is a special show.

Needless to say, it was an emotional night for us. For starters, I was in a lot of pain (having been cut in half to deliver baby Jackson) and had forgot my pain medication at the Ronald McDonald house, which was pretty out of the way on our way to the show. Even worse, it felt so unnatural to know that Jackson was not with me anymore; he was all alone in the NICU and it was very difficult to not feel guilty to be out and about without him.  After all, he should've been at the show in utero. For some reason, it seemed like every pregnant woman and families with a new baby in Bend were at the show. We were surrounded with what we should've had.

We were so glad we went to show despite the difficulties we faced. It was such an uplifting experience to be out with our friends and listen to such wonderful music. Sure, we cried a little and I felt like hell, but we made the very best of it. It was nice to be somewhat "normal" for a few hours after the ordeal we had faced and it gave us some gas to continue to be strong for our little boy.

Last year I highlighted "The Sound of Sunshine" as the song that meant the most to us. It was so positive and uplifting; it really meant a lot to us.

A sweet, teary moment.

This year, we got to take our amazing little miracle with us. It was Jackson's first concert. We wanted to be responsible parents so we ordered him some Baby Banz, the little earphones that protect young ears at loud events. However, our little stinker would not wear them long enough for us to even snap a photo. We settled for his hat with the ear flaps. Warmth and ear protection (?)!

It was an amazing show. We got to hear all of our favorite fun and uplifting Franti songs, but this time we had Jackson with us. All was right in the world. We had come full circle. There we were, celebrating a beautiful summer evening in Bend with our friends and our little family.

This year, the song that meant most to us was "Life Is Better With You". I think the reasoning is pretty obvious, but here is the video in case you are not familiar. Enjoy.

My Favorite Age

People are so generous with their enthusiasm, anecdotes, and advice when it comes to parenting. From my understanding, some people find this irritating. Personally, I appreciate all the information that I can get. Now that I am a parent I understand why people are so excited to talk about parenting. Our children consume all of our spare time and commandeer our lives. This may sound extreme, but it is so true. Now that school is out, I plan every day according to the needs of Jackson. For example, last weekend was super-busy. My plan for Monday was to ensure Jackson had two solid naps in his crib. If that mean we stayed home all day to make that happen, so be it. Fortunately, he seemed up for a few errands so we managed to get out of the house.

To clarify, I am not complaining. This is by far the best job in the world. I am not saying I could quit working and be a stay at home mom, but I sure do appreciate that my job allows me long breaks to play this role a few times a year.  Yay summer!

Since I have become a mom, strangers I encounter have been so friendly. It reminds me of when I was pregnant with a broken leg. I am not one for attention, but it is nice when it is positive, supportive attention. Apparently, I have joined an exclusive club and you must procreate to be part of it. It is so much fun doing everyday things now, because I have my fun little buddy with me. I find myself having conversations with complete strangers everywhere I go. I admit it, the proud mommy feelings that well up inside of me when strangers ogle Jackson are downright addictive.

"I know, he has so much personality!"

"Yup, two teeth already!"

 "He desires anything that is not a designated toy, so can we keep this menu?"

"He is 10 and a half months."

The most common piece of information people share is their favorite age. Most people that have shared this information agree that 10 months was their favorite age. I finally get why!

This little person changes every day. Every day it is a new sound, new skill, new game, new fascination, or a new face. One day, he starts waving. The next he is obsessed with making motorboat sounds. He is such a joy and so full of surprises, I am excited to wake up every day and see what he is going to do next. When I watch him run around in his walker, I swear I am as excited as he is. It is so much fun experiencing life through his eyes.

Jackson has been pretty mobile in his own way for a while. He has been able to get where he wants to go, just not in the conventional way. For a while it was the army crawl that ended in a stretched out reach for the object he desired. Once he figured out how to push up on his bootie from his tummy, he started to roll where he wanted to go and sit up when he reached his destination. Lately, he has been pulling up on everything and getting really strong standing on his own. He has mastered pulling up on his stand and play table, which he loves, so his legs are pretty steady at this point. I have suspected that he may skip crawling completely and go straight to walking considering he can get pretty far on his feet if he has some fingers to cling to.

Then the fateful evening came. Colin had been gone quite a bit due to a work trip and some golf tournaments. He came home one evening and decided he was going to see Jackson crawl for the first time, and he did! Armed with my phone set on video and his phone as the bait, we watched and waited. Jackson crawled for the first time and it was caught on video. Hooray!

At this point, it is hard to say what age is my favorite. By four months in to this adventure (the age when babies tend to "wake up" and start to have some personality) it seemed like every age was my favorite. Now that Jackson is on the brink of eleven months, I can say that his tenth month was a pretty spectacular month. We'll see if I look back and agree with all those generous people. Perhaps I will become a ten month advocate myself one day! For now, I am going to enjoy every day with my fun, smiley, surprising, and increasingly mischievous little buddy.