You're My Obsession

I thought I was overwhelmed with love when Jackson was born.  I thought I knew what earth-shattering affection was during the months I spent home with him.  Now that I am back to work the feelings of infatuation for him are even stronger.  When is it going to level off?  I am going to eventually be so obsessed with him I can't even function.  This is crazy!

Now that Jackson is seven months old, his personality shines through more and more each day.  This kid has a lot to say.  Of course, it is baby gibberish, but I still feel like we are communicating.  He finally responds to me when I talk to him!  He laughs and smiles so much it is contagious.  How do you not respond to his huge grin with a giant smile and silly faces?  Who doesn't love a baby laugh?

I have been back at "work" for 12 weeks now.  I put "work" in quotations because I love my job and it certainly doesn't feel like work most of the time.  Sure, I am in a fog by the time I get home.  I can plan a heck of a school day and keep my kids learning and engaged, but don't ask me what is for dinner.  By 4 p.m. I am pretty done; all I want to do is feed and play with Jackson.  Fortunately, I have an amazing husband who picks up the slack daily.  Let's face it, he is the cook of the family.  Our dinners are better when he handles the cooking.  If I can just get myself to the store and provide some staples and protein, he can provide a wonderful meal.  Every once in a while I surprise him with dinner on the stove when he gets home, but those times have been few and far between.  I can infer that single moms eat a lot of cereal for dinner.

It would be dishonest if I did not say I have moments when I wonder if I could be a stay at home mom.  I love Jackson so much I think I would be able to sacrifice my career for a few years to watch him grow.  On the other hand, I think I am a better mom now that I am back to work.  As a teacher, "work" is a big part of who I am as a person.  I care so much about my students and enjoy being at school so much.  Recently I received an email from a former student.  She was so grateful that I prepared her for high school science and bragged that all my former students looked so smart compared to their peers.  Apparently, her high school science teacher has said on multiple occasions that they must have had a really good middle school science teacher.  I mean, WINNING!!!!!!  That is the best thing I could ever hear.  This is one of the reasons I can leave by baby boy every morning.  What I am going to do all day has great value.

Another reason I can leave Jackson is knowing that he is in such good hands every day.  Four out of five days a week he is with our neighbor, who is so wonderful and takes such good care of Jackson.  Her children and the other kids who are there love Jackson (he is the baby) so much, and Jackson loves all the stimulation and interaction.  He has so much fun there, sometimes I wonder if he really wants me to come pick him up!  Jackson also spends one day a week with his MayMay and Grandy.  The time they spend caring for him is fostering a strong relationship with his grandparents.  We are so fortunate that he is always in a good place throughout the week while we work to provide for him.

I say I am a better mom now that I am at work because I need a sense of self.  As much as I loved staying home with Jackson, I started to feel like I was in a black hole of baby care.  I honestly respect those women who stay at home to raise their kids, because it is a TON of work.  I feel like I treasure the time I have with Jackson even more because I leave him most days of the week.  Also, I always keep in mind that a teacher's schedule is ideal since I get home so early and have so many breaks throughout the school year.  Also, we can't forget summer!  Now, if we consider a second child I may have to consider taking a year off.  It would be tough, but I think I could do it.  As hard as it would be to not teach, the joy of having a sibling for Jackson would be worth the sacrifice.  We'll see.